Help Needed

Right, I've tried looking shit up on the Internet but I really can't find exactly what I'm looking for, so I need your help. I need the following passage translated into medical mumbo jumbo techno speak.

"He’s a very lucky man. Three broken ribs, broken nose,
dislocated shoulder, a number of cuts and bruises, but miraculously despite how many foot prints we found on his head he doesn’t have a single skull fracture."

So if any of you know of anyone in the medical profession please shove this blog under their nose and get them to translate it for me. I will be now and forever grateful.

Cheers!

Keep On Keeping ON

"The blog is a great reminder to keep on keeping on, so more power to you." Rob Williams - 07/07/2008

This was never a truer statement, more so today than ever. I found out one of my old scriptwriting course buddies made it on to the BBC Sharpes course with his first script since leaving university seven years ago. I'm not jealous, I'm really happy for him, I'm just feeling a bit exhausted with this writing lark. Seven hard years I've been writing for with little success, so Rob's message was very welcome.

I never thought of my blog as an inspiration for others, as a guide on how to keep going in the face of rejection. But looking back maybe it is, and maybe I meant this subconsciously. So what better way to explore the "keep on keeping on" theory than taking a step back in time and looking at my journey from shop assistant to writer, and all the hard work and effort I've had to put in to get where I am today.

Oxford 1996: I was working for a shit wage of less than £10,000 a year in Radio Rentals fending off the annual swam of students in September and the obvious hatred of my female assistant manager. She really hated me and made my life a living hell. I decided I had had enough and was going to go back into full time education at the age of 27.

But what to do? I thought about Information Technology as a career, but decided I wasn't really cut out for it. So I opened up a copy of the UCAS book and looked at the Bournemouth page, as I had a friend who lived there. I opened the page right on the Screenwriting for Film and Television BA (Hons) degree. It was fate.

I'd always loved writing and a few years before when I had been unemployed for eight months I wrote a feature script. It was shit, but it gave me a taste for writing more. So Bournemouth was were I decided I was headed.

So what did I have to do? A university access course at the local collage was the obvious choice, but as I felt it was a bit basic I decided to do an English Literature A level too. A year later I passed the course and got a grade D in the A level. But would Bournemouth university let me in, would they heck as like. They wanted me to do some GCSE's to prove I was academic enough for the course. So back to collage I went. A year later I came away with an A in English, a B in Maths and a grade C in the resit of my English A Level resit. Then I got an interview with the university. A few weeks nervous waiting and I got the yes I had been hoping for.

Three years of university followed and I came away with a 2:2, only just missing out on a 2:1 by 0.6 marks. Bugger!

When I left I started writing a comedy feature script (still hasn't been finished) which was a mistake. Even though I could write reasonably well I had no idea about the industry. So I wandered for two years not really writing much and not getting anywhere. Then I decided I needed to learn more about the industry so I set about researching it as much as possible, reading books, web pages, etc. Then I got back to writing, a sitcom this time.

I was finding it hard to write in the evenings after working all day, my brain was dead when I came home. So three years ago I decided to do something about it and took the plunge. I moved from working days to working evenings, starting at 6pm and finishing at 2am the following morning. This was great and allowed me to get up at about 11am and write for most of the day in peace and quiet with a fresh head. It started to pay dividends and I got a production company interested in a feature I wrote in those first six months of working evenings. They eventually dropped the script, but it was a signal to me that my writing was getting better and I was making progress.

Last year I wrote a short for a Norwegian production company which has since been transmitted on Norwegian TV and is also due to be show in Norwegian cinemas later this year. Nice!

So here I am now still plodding away, trying to write while looking after my ten month old son fighting against all the odds and keeping the dream alive. I will make it one day, it's just a matter of right script, right person, right time. Easier said than done.

James Moran Makes Acting Debut

Yes, Mr. James Moran, take a bow.

You can't deny it!!!!!!!

Check out his acting debut here.

Dom's Back

I'm back after a lovely relaxing week off away from the pressures of the World.

A lot of people are too busy in their lives to just stop for a week and do nothing, to recharge their batteries and forget about deadlines, money and other worrying stuff for a whole week. It needs to be done every now and again.

Back to work then.

Three emails in my inbox requesting a copy of JUMP. Two replies already; they like my writing but not JUMP, so can I send them anything else? Of course I can. Another three shorts go off to those two.

GNOME makes the first round of the BSSC 2008. I don't think it's as good as THE DEAD SIDE OF LIFE so I'm not expecting it to progress beyond the next round. But you never know, I could surprise myself and do well again this year.

I'm still working hard on the series bible for WONDERLAND, beefing it up for the producer that is interested in it.

SECOND SKIN is also coming along very well and I'm hopeful this script will give me the break I'm looking for.

PAPER, SCISSORS, STONED has now gone back to its original title FAITH. This is after Lucy very kindly look at the script for me and pointed me in the right direction. The script now has a new purpose and direction.

My second Red Planet script, the one I'm working on with Brendan, doesn't seem to be progressing as fast as I would like. I feel it needs more attention than it's being given at the moment.

Must crack on.

Off Line

I'm on holiday for a week.

Nice :-)

The Mad Rush Home

Screenwriters' Festival 2008 Day Three:

Woke up early and ate a full English in the food tent as usual.

First up was Terry Pratchett and who they adapted The Hogfather and The Colour Of Magic for Sky One. It was interesting to see which bits they left out and why, and which bits they moved around to make it work more visually. The most interesting thing for me was how much power and control over the decision making Terry had. They referred to him on almost every decision. If he didn't like something it wouldn't go in.

Next up was Kay Mellor. I was particularly looking forward to this one as I was a big fan of her TV series Playing The Field. She talked about the struggle she had to get Band Of Gold made and it was interesting to know that it was turned down several times before it was eventually snapped up. It just goes to show that even someone as bankable as Kay has difficulties selling their work to networks.

Last was Jane Tranter. She was bright, bubbly and very open on what she looks for and how writers can get there work commissioned by the BBC. She was very supportive of the BBC Writersroom, but when asked how many people have had their series commissioned through the Writersroom, she said she couldn't remember a single one. That's not to say that won't happen in the future though, so I still feel it's a very reliable source for getting into TV. After all writers who have sent in their work have gone on to write for some of the long running drama series produced by the BBC.

When Jane was finished I was out that door like a shot and in my car, as I had to be home for work at 6pm. The bloody stupid sat-nav sent me up a narrow country lane swearing to me that I could join the main road, but just ended up taking me round in circles for twenty minutes when I discovered the road it wanted me to go down had been fenced off. If I hadn't disobeyed that female voice and turned left when it wanted me to go right I'd still be somewhere outside of Cheltenham, sleeping rough in my car and living off people's pets.

Eventually I did get home or I wouldn't be here writing this. I will definitely be going next year. Can't wait.

How To Pitch While Hungover

Screenwriters' Festival 2008 Day 2:

I don't remember much of this day, because for some reason someone had filled my head with cotton wool and turned my tongue into sandpaper. I have brief memory flashes of room 109 the night before, but very little after.

And I found this photo on my phone.

Don't remember taking that at all.

Three great things happened on this day and are listed here in no particular order:

1) Tony Jordan, was a fantastic man he his, an all round entertainer. His Scriptbites session was fantastic. There were twelve of us sat around the table and another layer three people deep crowded around trying to listen to the man's inspiring words. Not that they needed to strain to hear, because Tony was very loud. I guess he learnt that from when he used to be a market trader. It was a shame we only got half an hour with him, but what a half hour....and he only answered one question. And it's official his sister does live a few doors down from my parents.

2) The man, the legend that is James Moran. His scriptbites session broke all records lasting a good three hours and a bit, mainly because Cat Randle kept hurling questions at him one after the other, unrelentlessly. The poor man even neglected to tell us he needed the toilet and had to make an emergency dash. And the fool came back for more questions. He could have kept on running, but he didn't. Sucker!!! I think James even learnt things about himself that day.

3) The producer who sat down next to me while I was quietly trying to recover from my hangover and insisted I pitch him two of my projects. The first went bad, but the second he seemed to like. Nice one. If you can pitch with a hangover you can pitch anywhere and at any time.

Went to bed early as I needed to drive home the next day.

Final day coming soon.

Mike Leigh

So, what did the great man himself talk about? Here is the gist of the conversation, as I admit I didn't make too many notes because I was so wrapped in what he had to say.

Mike always focuses on one project at a time, giving his all to that project until it is complete. He doesn't allow anything else to get in the way of that creative process.

Film making for Mike is a very "organic" process. You're making films not making scripts. The end product, the film, is the artifact, not the screenplay, which is why Mike only ever starts with an outline and not a fully written script.

It's in the rehearsals where the script takes shape, and the scenes are defined and created, through the improvisation of the actors. In Vera Drake during the rehearsals none of the actors playing Vera's family knew that her character had been performing illegal abortions, it was only when Mike introduced the character of the police detective that the actors became aware of the situation.

Mike also stressed that film is as much about place as it is character. Place can be a character on it's own.

See, I told you I didn't make many notes, but inspiring stuff none the less.

More to follow soon.

"Hi, my name is Mike."

As I shook his dry and wrinkly hand I couldn't help but note his shabby appearance. He wore combat trousers, which although clean, looked like they had been lived in for a while. The trousers hung from his skinny frame held in place by a flimsy pair of blue braces. His shirt, like his trousers, creased and worn with use, and his hair and beard, gray and unruly. However, it is was those brown eyes that sparkled with intelligence that told me there was more to Mike than his outward appearance. But more of Mike later.

The Screenwriters' Festival 2008 - Day One - Tuesday 1st July 2008

The journey down the previous afternoon had been mostly uneventful, the only exception being when my sat-nav decided to have some fun and suddenly announced, "at the roundabout take the first exit," while I was on a duel carriageway, miles from the next junction, or any roundabout for that matter. I think my exact words were, "what f&%king roundabout you stupid piece of technological crap?!?!?!?"

Anyway I did managed to arrive at my destination, meet up with a few others and down a beer or two before going to bed.

Tuesday was fantastic. There were so many people I knew at the festival and it was such a great atmosphere. But I wasn't there to meet up with mates, I was there to listen to the speakers and network myself to near prostitute proportions. I met one director who was interested in a film script I was pitching for a friend, and I also got to chat to several useful contacts to whom I could send copies of my various projects. Not bad for my first day.

The writing for comics session was really interesting and gave me the chance to finally meet the pointy shoe wearing David Bishop, author and ex editor of 2000AD.

A good day's networking was followed by a good night's drinking. I don't remember the Harvester and only a flash or two of Piers Beckley's now infamous room party. I think I left at about one to one thirty as my wife informed me I phone her and babbled absolute shit for fifteen minutes before she hung up on me.

Back to Mike. The man in question was Mike Leigh, multi award winning director. A fantastic talker. His beliefs and obvious love of film shone through, but what was most impressive was his strength, his absolute belief that his way was the only way. A true inspiration.

Day two to follow soon.

Leave A Message After The Beep.

I shall be away until Thursday drinking lots of beer....err, I mean attending the Screenwriters' Festival in Cheltenham.

Laters taters!

SWF 2008 Parts 2 & 3

Well BT managed to bugger any chance of me writing a post yesterday so here are two for the price of one.

Tuesday:

I shall awake from an awful hangover and attempt to find my way around SWF with out vomiting and making a tit of myself.

Wednesday:

Clean shirt and underpants for this day, as the legend that is Mr. James Moran will be gracing us with his presence. Oh dear Lordy yes!!!!! Must remember to take my copy of Severance to get him to sign. My favorite day by far :-)

SWF 2008

I'm away next week at the Screenwriters' Festival in Cheltenham. So to mark this occasion every day this week I'll be telling you what I shall be doing the same day next week. Confused? Not nearly as much as I am ;-)

Monday:

I'll be setting off sometime in the afternoon to arrive at about five or six at the Cheltenham Travelodge. I'll be meeting Jason Arnopp and Piers Beckley for a few beers in the Travelodge's Harvester restaurant. I will be trying to not to get too drunk, as I want to enjoy the Tuesday.

Fan-tastic

This blog has at least one official fan and his name is Lee. Yay, Lee!!!!!

Thank you for email, Lee, it reminded me I have a passion for writing just when I was having a bit of a dark moment in my life. Writing is an escape and a joy, and of course bloody hard work most of the time, but it's the sense of achievement you get when you write something good that makes all that hard work worth while.

Have a nice day, people, and I hope it's one full of joy and sun.

Meme'd

Sheikspear meme'd me....the barstool!!!!!

Here goes.

1) ACDC - Back To Black

Classic rock. You can't get better than this.

2) Eminem & 50 Cent - You Don't Know

By far the best thing Eminem & 50 Cent have ever done.

3) Eminem - Ass Like That

The only song both my wife and I love. It makes us laugh.

4) Eminem - Cleaning Out My Closet

We all have skeletons in our closets, and I love the way Eminem loves to get things off his chest.

5) Duran Duran - Wild Boys

The song I left school to, and the basis for my first ever script idea. It was typical Eighties shit, but spawned three sequels, none written down, but all in my head. One day I might write them.

6) Bryan Adams - Summer Of 69

The year I was born and my best friend Arne Reidar Mortensen's karaoke master piece.

7) Queen - Fat Bottomed Girls

I wanted this to be the song for our first dance at the wedding reception. Susie said if it was she would divorce me. It's such a cool, fun song, you've gotta love it.

And I'm spent.....!

I'm not meming anyone else, coz I think that's cruel.

Laters!

My Epic Battle With BT Part 27 & 3/4

Bastards...utter effing bastards!!!!

My broadband went down again this week, just when I was about to kick American butt on Call Of Duty 4 on the Xbox. So the CFU didn't work and now I'm really pissed off.

Another round of calls, and more tests from my end, and this was the result....just like a thousand times before.

BT STAFF: "Well the tests are showing a major fault at our end."

PISSED OFF CUSTOMER: "Really? You do surprise me?"

BT STAFF: "The engineers have swapped you card over at the exchange, so hopefully that'll fix the problem."

PISSED OFF CUSTOMER: "Well that was kind of them to interrupt their tea-break to help little old me, but I won't be crossing my fingers."

BT STAFF: "Please call us back if you have any further trouble."

PISSED OFF CUSTOMER: "Oh, you can count on that. What's your direct number?"

BT STAFF: "Bbbbbbbbbrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!"

PISSED OFF CUSTOMER: "Hello? Hello? You fuckers!!!!!"

On the writing side of things, I've just completed another short film script and sent it off to someone I know who might be interested.

Rejection Watch: Not one this week so far, huzzah!!!!!!

My Epic Battle With BT

It rages on... and on....and on. I'm surprised I'm being allowed to write this, because I'm sure BT are monitoring me, in fact I expect to be cut off in seconds.

Nope, still here!

The engineer has been out to look over my stuff, and all the connections in my house. "There's no problem this end".....no fucking shit, Sherlock, I've been telling you that for months. So now I've been passed on to their top team of investigators, who I imagine are the CFU (Counter Fault Unit) of the phone world. I imagine a Jack Bower type figure stalking the corridors of the exchange armed with a screwdriver, hunting down that elusive fault, tweaking its nipples and giving it what for. Apparently they are going to be my best friend until the fault is found and fixed. Such dedication, if only they could do something about the rising fuel costs.

Rejection Watch: Twice this week....bastards!!!!!!

Rewrites

- Another post in the occasional series of brilliant posts from Dom. Yep Indeedy!

As you know I hate rewriting. There is always a danger of doing too much, losing your focus and turning your script into a mindless pile of drivel, if it wasn't one already. What is needed is a bit of structure to those rewrites. Split them down, concentrating on different aspects of the script one at a time, so you don't get bogged down and confused as to what you're actually trying to do. Focusing on smaller tasks makes the over all job a lot easier. So here is my rewrite routine, invented by myself and not stolen from the ideas of other people.....honest!!!

Draft One: The 'get it done' draft.

You've done your outline, your treatment, polished your characters, so now it's time to write. So write. Resist the temptation to go back and edit. If you need to make notes then make them, but what is more important at this stage is that the script is on the page. It doesn't have to be brilliant, it just needs to be done. Now leave the script alone for a couple of weeks.

Draft Two: Structure.

When you come back to it and reread what you've written it's going to look pretty bad. Don't worry, draft two is designed to iron out any inconsistencies, any gaping holes in the plot, and to make sure that anything important you have introduced in the script later is set up earlier in the script. Don't be tempted to work on anything else at this stage, that'll come later.

Draft Three: Characters.

Do you know your characters? Are they believable? Do they have flaws the audience can identify with? Do they act true to their character, or do they do things simply because the plot requires them to do so? Characters need to be believable and to engage the audience. If they don't then you need to take a serious look at them. Don't forget, even the greatest hero has his own motivations driven by his own selfish desires. No one is all good, nor all bad. People are a mixture, with their own likes, hates, fears, and desires.

Draft Four: Dialogue.

Could you identify your characters by their speech alone? Everyone speaks differently. Go to a public place and listen to people having conversations, what they say, how they interact with others. This will help you individualise each characters' speech. Avoid writing regional accents phonetically, it makes them hard to read and will put readers off. Don't forget people are not always nice to each other, including friends and family.

Draft Five: Imagery.

Look for repeated words in your action description and find new ones to replace them. Look at your description. Could it be shorter, more direct? Is it flat and dull? Could it be punchier? This is the draft that could make a lot of difference to your script, so take your time with this one, even if you have to spend several days searching for just the right word to describe something. Remember screenwriting is all about imagery; TV and film are a visual medium. Make you scenes stand out in the mind of the reader.

Draft Six: Restructure.

Would your script benefit from telling it in a different way, or order. Take Memento for instance, an excellent film told backwards. The film could work both ways, but it adds an extra level of poignancy to it by being told backwards. Look at you script and decide if a liner plot is the best for your story. To be honest I'm always certain about the way I want to write a script when I start, but it never hurts to take a second look.

Draft Seven: Conflict.

Conflict is the essential part of a story. If you have no conflict then all you have is a script to go to sleep by. Look at each scene, is there conflict, even if it's between friends. Don't forget there are different levels of conflict, you don't need two people beating the crap out of each other in every scene.

Bad Example

ENAMEL
Fuck you!

BARNABY
Fuck you more!

Good Example

Enamel sits behind the counter reading a comic, taking the occasional sip from a mug of tea. He doesn’t look up when Barnaby enters.

BARNABY
Sorry I’m late.

ENAMEL
Ogling Angela Cooper again?

BARNABY
(snapping)
No! I would have been on time if I hadn’t knocked over
some silly old fart and spilt his shopping all over the pavement.
He made me carry it home for him.

Enamel looks up to dispense some sage advice.

ENAMEL
You let people push you around too much, Barn.

Advice given Enamel returns to his comic.

BARNABY
Yeah, well no more.

Barnaby heads towards the shop’s back room. Enamel sticks his tea mug out at arms length with out looking up from his comic.

Barnaby sighs and takes the mug from Enamel before exiting to the back. Enamel smiles.

Draft Eight: The Opening Pages.

The first five to ten pages are very important. These are the pages a reader will look at. If they don't like what they see they won't read any further. So make sure your opening pages contain a great hook and are the best they can be. It's worth spending a bit of time on these pages to get them right.

Draft Nine: Back To Your Characters.

Yep, more character work. Make sure each of your characters' arcs are believable and satisfying to the reader. They can have either an upbeat, or a downbeat arc, or a bittersweet one. Remember, they have to be satisfying to the reader.

Draft Ten: Proof Read.

As I always say to my wife, "I'm a writer, I never professed to be able to spell, that's why they invented spell checkers." I'm a crap speller so I give all my work to my wife to check over. If you're spelling and grammar is as crap as mine hand your work over to someone you trust and give them a big red pen. Red is such a lovely colour.

That's it....or is it? Well no, now's the time to send you script out to others for their opinions. Once you've got that feedback you can start the process again. Remember, writing is all about rewriting.

Connecting to mail.btinternet.com....or not

I had an inspirational blog planned this week, all about tackling rewrites and what you should concentrate on with each draft, but fate had other plans. Or should I say FUCKING BT BROADBAND BASTARDS decided that it was a good idea to crash my broadband for the second time in a month.

I've been in this property since October 2007 and the first weekend of every month, without fail, the broadband goes down for three days. The first time was irritating, the second frustrating and the third time I blew my top. I phone them straight away and they guide me through tests for about half an hour to check it's not my router that's causing the problem (I know these tests off by heart now). It's only then they grudgingly admit the fault may be at their end....no fucking kidding, Sherlock!!!!! Cue a weekend with out Internet or Xbox, punctuated by several phone calls back and forth, only for the broadband to come back on miraculously at 9am Monday morning, presumably when the engineers come back from their relaxing weekend.

Yet I keep taking the punishment, I keep letting them convince me everything will work correctly after every call I make. But it doesn't and I don't change my broadband supplier. I'm a mug.

But this month I've finally had enough. The broadband went down as clockwork the first weekend of the month, and again I was with out it for three days. Then it went down again yesterday. I found myself doing something I very rarely do, screaming and swearing down the phone at some poor sod who wasn't responsible for my problem, but I'd reached the end of my patience.

If any of you out there are dissatisfied with the service you're receiving from BT BROADBAND then walk. Don't put up with their sloppy service and false promises. There is a large choice of providers out there, so shop around, don't let people walk all over you. You don't have to suffer crap broadband.

AGN

Here, at last, is AGN, which when translated into our mother tongue becomes 'Bait'.

View it here.

Enjoy!

My Week

This week I have mostly been rejected five times.....


....which was nice.