Sunday, July 02, 2006

Ve Ver The Dogs of Var

Yesterday was my stag do. At 9am we went paintballing and as you can see from my wounds I got hit several times, including once on the jaw. That was very painful. It was so hot running around in those woods we were sweating buckets, but it was cracking laugh despite the fact there isn't a part of my body that doesn't hurt. My legs hurt so much from all that running around I can hardly walk today.

After paintballing everyone piled around to my house to watch the football (see Olaf, I told you all Swedes were rubbish, everyone kept yelling, "4-4-2 not 4-5-1 you dozy Swede"). After showering and downing two pints of water to regain some lost fluids we started on the beer. Two cases were quaffed before the final whistle had blown. During extra time we had a pizza delivered and the pizza delivery girl came and watched the football with us until it went to penalties, when she jumped back on her moped and raced to her next delivery to watch the penalties. I knew if it went to penalties we would lose, we always do. We can't take penalties for shit.

After the game we went into town. I would report what happened here but for some funny reason I can't remember a great deal. I think I must have been mugged of my memories because my head really hurt this morning. Some of the things that did come back to me during today include; lots of shots including sambuca, a never empty bottle of lager that changed flavour every time I drank from it (At one point it even tasted of pears), exploding a 2ltr bottle of diet coke using a packet of Mentos (you put the sweets in the coke bottle and then stand back to watch as the sweets react with the bubbles and send a fountain of coke 20 feet into the air which drenches your brother's trousers), losing a shoe, running down the middle of a main street without my trousers or boxers on screaming at the top of my voice, playing Halo 2 really badly on the X-Box 360 until 4am and being told to F#%k off by Susie when I woke her for the seventeenth time to tell her I loved her.

Susie woke up the next morning to be greeted by the sight on the left, a real sleeping beauty. I'm not really convinced that she had to take that picture to remind me of my stag do for all eternity. Still, it was a good sleep and much needed.

To sum up it was a wonderful day one I am finally recovering from at 9.30pm.

8 comments:

Olaf said...

Thanks for your messages at my blog. I have replied to them. I wish I hadn't now as I have just seen your unfortunate picture. Too much drink, paintballing, and the tantalizing promise of football glory is too much for some people. Thank God for little black boxes.

Sal said...

I'm with Olaf. Thank God for little black boxes. Hope the bruises subside in time

Optimistic_Reader said...

Oh dear God was that absolutely necessary? It's too early for this...

Glad you had a good time on the stag night though - when's the big day?

Dom Carver said...

5th of August

U Need A Blanket said...

jesusholymarymotherofgod!

Danny Stack said...

Dude. Respect.

James Moran said...

Yikes. Naked alert. Another victim of the Booze Gorilla, the large ape that visits you when you're drunk, hits you in the head, takes all your cash, messes up/removes your clothing, and pisses in your mouth. And, in this case, splays out your legs for passing photographers.

The Moviequill said...

'pizza delivery girl came and watched the football with us until it went to penalties' over here if she's 30 mins late we get the pie for free... the pizza I mean