So what have I been doing for the last month or so?
I've been in a very difficult place, most commonly known as depression.
I'm not looking for any sympathy writing this, I just want to tell my story and help anyone else out there in writer land who might be suffering, but may not know it.
Mental illness affects one in four people. I have twenty three followers of this blog, which means five of them could potentially be suffering from mental problems. Don't let the words 'mental illness' scare you, although depression is classed as a mental illness it is treatable, you just need to admit you need help and ask for it.
Not so long ago I found myself sleeping a lot, and when I was awake I didn't have any energy. I lost interest in my writing (I've written nothing since the CBBC drama competition), going out, socialising, or doing anything other than sitting on the sofa in front of the TV. I also found myself analysing everything about my life in the minutest detail. I felt I was a failure as a writer because after eight years of trying I've still not had a commission here in the UK. I was also very short tempered and would get angry over the littlest things. Life was, in short,...crap!!!
But I decided to go and do something about it. I got my doctor to refer me for some counseling and I've just started cognitive therapy (reordering the way you think about things and look at the world). Even after only one session I feel better. I know I still have a long way to go, but I know I'm doing something about it now, so one day very soon those dark clouds are going to lift.
I even feel a little interest in my writing coming back, so I may even write a few little words on a treatment, or something, just to get me started.
Asking for help is a hard thing to do, but I promise you there is no shame in it. If you're feeling down I urge you to go and talk to your doctor and tell him how you feel. He/She will listen to you, and more importantly, he/she will be able to help.