LSWF 2013 REPORT 3

And so having finally hunted down a few of the delegates I wanted to meet up with I then decided, on a whim, to drop in to Pilar Alessandra's How To Write To Maximise Impact session.

I've never been one for script gurus and have always been a bit suspicious of them, but I was hearing good things about Pilar and her sessions and I'm happy to admit I wasn't disappointed. Most of what she talked about I already knew, I've been writing for 12 years after all, although I did pick up a few nuggets of valuable information, and it's always good to get someone else's view on things.

To illustrate Pilar's advice I'm going to use made up examples, so please excuse me if they're rubbish, they are just to show what I'm trying to say and not intended to win an Oscar.

Pilar's Suggestion 1 - "The action line is the setup, the dialogue is the punchline."

That idea stood out for me because I'm about to do a second rewrite on a comedy script and I realised there is far too much dialogue in the screenplay, so it was a poignant reminder that action can speak louder than words.

Joey flies into a rage, smashes the office to pieces in front of Rich and Dave.

DAVE: What an idiot.

RICH: Yeah... he does realise that's his laptop he's jumping on and not yours?

DAVE: Let's just wait until he calms down and then you can tell him.

Gradually Joey's rage subsides and he slumps to the floor.

Dave and Rich survey the damage.

DAVE: No way I'm clearing that up.

Which suddenly Becomes...

Joey flies into a rage, smashes the office to pieces in front of Rich and Dave, who watch impassively.

The chair... smashes through the window.

The desk... becomes kindling.

The filing cabinet... torn papers fly everywhere.

The laptop... he jumps up and down on it, the keys splinter off in every direction.

Gradually Joey's rage subsides and he slumps to the floor in a heap.

Dave and Rich survey the damage.

DAVE: No way I'm cleaning that up.

Pilar's Suggestion 2 - "Don't use BEAT, use action to replace it."

I don't often use 'BEAT' or 'PAUSE' in my screenplays but I have noticed a lot of new writers do. A screenplay looks better and reads better without them.

MARCUS: Do you love me?

BEAT.

JANET: I don't know.

Will then become...

MARCUS: Do you love me?

Janet walks to the window, stares out blankly.

JANET: I don't know.

Pilar's Suggestion 3 - "Stopping to explain something ruins the pace."

Action should be short, efficient and to the point, especially in moments of high tension.

Dave yanks the brown, suede leather steering wheel, slides the car, a battered brown Capri with a smashed wing mirror and front number plate hanging off, around the corner. He barely misses two pedestrians, a man in his early thirties wearing a coffee brown suit, and a woman tottering along in bright red heels.

Then becomes...

Dave yanks the steering wheel, slides the car around the corner, barely misses two pedestrians.

Pilar's Suggestion 4 - "Don't be afraid to use minor sluglines to keep things moving."

Don't reset your scene every time or it will slow things down and really irritate the reader.

INT. ALAN'S HOUSE, HALL - DAY

Alan opens the door.  Simon barges past him.

SIMON: Where is she?

Simon exits another door.

INT. ALAN'S HOUSE, LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Simon enters. Sees she's not there, exits quickly.

INT. ALAN'S HOUSE, KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

Simon enters, skids to a halt.  Janet sits at the kitchen table, her head in her hands.

Then becomes...

INT. ALAN'S HOUSE, HALL - DAY

Alan opens the door.  Simon barges past him.

SIMON: Where is she?

He storms through to...

LIVING ROOM

Sees she's not there, rushes in to...

KITCHEN

And skids to a halt.  Janet sits at the kitchen table, her head in her hands.

Pilar's Suggestion 5 - "Remember emotional responses to discovery."

If something happens how does your character react to it?

Nick steps out onto the roof.  Two hundred zombies face him down.  Nick quickly closes the door again.

Then becomes...

Nick steps out onto the roof.  Two hundred zombies face him down.  Nick pales.  He steps back and quickly closes the door.

Pilar's Suggestion 6 - "If you want to draw the eye to something, put it on its own line."

Simples!

Nick steps out onto the roof.  Two hundred zombies face him down.  Nick pales.  He steps back and quickly closes the door.

Then becomes...

Nick steps out onto the roof.  Two hundred zombies face him down.

Nick pales.

He steps back and quickly closes the door.

Pilar's Suggestion 7 - "Use CAPS sparingly. This is important!"

Remember, caps should only be used the first time a character is introduced, for mini sluglines and very rarely for anything else.

Don't...

MAX KICKS in the DOOR, SMASHES his fist into the DRUG DEALER's face, CRACKS his nose.

Do...

Max kicks in the door, smashes his fist into the Drug Dealer's face, cracks his nose.

Pilar Suggestion 8 - "The fight scene.  Emotion before the fight.  Emotion after the fight.  Who won?  Who has the power?"

1 - Emotion before the fight.
2 - Tone of fight.
3 - Method or weaponry.
4 - Fight move 1.
5 - Fight move 2.
6 - Upper hand.
7 - Winning moment.
8 - Emotion after the fight.

This is just a guide and there can be more fight moves if you need them. This can also be used for fights in dialogue or power games.

Lot's of great advice for new and experienced writers alike. A really great talk.

As much as I loved The Fall and Broadchurch sessions, Pilar's first session was the stand out one of the festival for me. That little lady is AWESOME!!!!!