UNDER PRESSURE

Sometimes I put a lot of pressure on myself and it's a silly thing to do.

I don't know why I do it. Maybe it's because I'm afraid of failure? Or maybe it's because I love writing too much? Or maybe in my desire to be helpful I don't say no often enough? Or maybe it's because I'm driven? Whatever the reason it occasionally brings me to a grinding halt.

Then I feel guilty because the crippling self doubt takes over and I actively avoid writing. I play Xbox. I watch DVDs. I mess about on Facebook and Twitter. I'll read a book. Or I'll just go and have a kip. Pretty much when I'm in that state of mind I'll do anything to avoid putting words on paper.

My wife has helped with that. She printed out a list for me of all the great things that have happened in my career over the past couple of years and made me pin it to my cork board. If I have a moment of self doubt all I have to do is look up and the list is there to remind me I'm actually rather good at what I do.

I've never missed a deadline, but even taking just a couple of days off makes it difficult for me to catch up. I always work to a tight schedule. I manage it though. Again I don't know how. I just do. For me to let anyone down is unthinkable. But I love deadlines and always work at a hectic pace. I can't work any other way.

So I'll plod on. I'll work evenings. I'll work weekends. I'll work late in to the early hours of the morning. I'll get it done. Because it's what I do. Even if there is something good on the telly. It's what us writers have to do. It's who we are. It's how we make ourselves stand out from the wannabes.

Get your head down and get on with it. I will be!