FIRST DRAFT - PART TWO

I learnt a lot by posting the first few scenes of my latest spec last week. Some expected, some unexpected.


I posted the scenes for two reasons...

1. Let's face it, as writers we never really get to see a proper first (vomit) draft other than our own. Writers are very precious about letting other people seer their work until it has been rewritten a million times and proof read at least once by the grammar Nazis. I thought I'd be different and allow my fellow writers a chance to see how another writer works and what my raw first drafts look like - purely for educational purposes. Some called it brave! Some called it foolish! Some just didn't get it!
2. Primarily I wanted to see if the scenes worked, if they were enough of a hook for the reader to want to know more.

What I didn't expect to happen...

1. My spelling errors to be pointed out.
2. To be pulled up on format.
3. To be criticised on pace.
4. For fellow writers to argue with each other over whether these issues should have been pointed out in the first place.
5. A director to read it and then request to read the rest of the screenplay.

What I did expect to happen...

1. For people to be drawn into Dexter's story and want to know more.

What I learnt...

1. As writers it's easy to get hung up on format, pace, spelling and grammar (all of which are important) and forget that we are first and foremost story tellers. If we focus too much on these 'rules' our stories can suffer, their originality diluted or even lost - our work can become formulaic and dull. Be aware of the 'rules' but also be happy to break them if you think your story will benefit.
2. Everybody has an opinion, most of them different, and these opinions can lead to personal attacks when people think others are attacking their validity.
3. Some people get very angry if their opinions aren't listened to, are ridiculed or even attacked.
4. We're writers. We're a community. We should be supportive of each other while being prepared to offer constructive criticism when asked. Under no circumstances should we be attacking each other. We should be united and supportive...always!
5. Write the story you want to write. You can listen to others' opinions but never forget this is your story and you should never let anyone dictate how you write it... unless they're paying you, or it was their idea in the first place, even then you can negotiate.
6. Opportunities can come from anywhere, you just need to make them happen.

Overall I'm happy with the results of the blog post and now, because of the mostly positive reaction, I'm thinking of re-posting the same scenes again after each rewrite so my fellow writers can see how the scenes evolve from draft to draft.


Remember - play nice!


Happy writing.

THE FIRST DRAFT

It's taken nearly a year what with being busy and all, but I'm finally nearing the end of a new spec thriller. So in celebration of the fact I'm going to give you a sneak peak at the first few scenes below. Hope you enjoy them and feedback is always welcome... even the negative.

FADE IN:

EXT. CITY - NIGHT

A myriad of coloured lights twinkle across the bustling metropolis.

Always busy.

Never sleeping.

A tall apartment block that may have once been called luxury, but is now just old, worn and dirty, like its inhabitants.

From a distance we see a WORKMAN, tool box in hand, stride towards the front entrance.

INT. LIFT - NIGHT

DEXTER (40), the workman we saw moments ago, stands expressionless in the far corner of the lift, next to the button panel.

He wears a blue workman’s overall, baseball cap, brown hair underneath, glasses and a tool box.  A screwdriver in his breast pocket.  An ID card hangs from a strap around his neck.

Tinny Muzak plays.

The halogen light exacerbates Dexter’s pasty skin and the dark circles under his eyes.

The lift pings.  The doors open.

Dexter sinks back further into the corner of the lift.

In steps a YUMMY MUMMY, all tattoos and hair extensions.  She gives Dexter a brief cursory glance, before leaning across him to press her desired button.

YUMMY MUMMY

You’re working late.

Dexter doesn’t acknowledge her, drops his head so his cap peak shields his face.

The Yummy Mummy snorts, turns her own head away in annoyance at his rudeness.

Nether Dexter or the Yummy Mummy glance at each other, eyes fixed on the lift wall in silence.  They might as well be ten feet apart, not two.  It’s an awkward few seconds.

The lift pings and the Yummy Mummy exits.  She doesn’t look back.

Dexter urgently presses the fourteen floor button repeatedly, lifts his head again as the doors close.

Finally the lift pings as it arrives at Dexter’s desired floor.

He exits into...

FOURTEENTH FLOOR CORRIDOR

Automatic lights flicker on, some missing, illuminate the pale green walls in a eerie glow.  The colour reflects off Dexter’s skin, makes him look like one of the living dead.

Dexter walks to the far end of the corridor, halts in front of apartment one-four-five.

He knocks with a latex gloved hand.

A long moment...

...then the door opens a crack.

THOMPSON (33) peaks through, flashes a questioning look.  Dexter shows him his ID.

THOMPSON

‘Bout time.

Thompson opens the door wide, leads the way into...

THOMPSON’S APARTMENT, HALLWAY

Dexter closes the door behind him.

THOMPSON

Bloody thing’s been playing up all afternoon.

Dexter pulls the screwdriver from his top pocket to reveal a cleverly disguised syringe...

THOMPSON (CONT’D)

Fucking freezing in here.

...and stabs Thompson in the neck, depresses the button.

Thompson half turns, surprised.  He tries to grab the now empty syringe but his legs give way.

He’s unconscious before he hits the floor.

THOMPSON’S APARTMENT, BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Dexter enters, deposits his tool box on the floor, opens it, takes out two empty bottles of pills and one partially filled.

He lines them up on the lip of the bath, knocks the third one over, spills its contents.

THOMPSON’S APARTMENT, HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER

Dexter slips his hands under Thompson’s arms, hoists him upwards, with great effort hefts him onto his shoulders in a fireman’s lift, and carries him carefully towards the bathroom.

THOMPSON’S APARTMENT, BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Dexter settles the unconscious Thompson in the bath.

Dexter reaches into his tool box, extracts a bottle of Jim Beam and a funnel, presses Thompson’s fingers to the top and the body of the bottle, and to all the pill bottles.

Dexter opens and discards the Jim Beam bottle top on the bathroom floor.  He opens Thompson’s mouth, uses the funnel to pour the whiskey and a few of the scattered pills down his throat.

Still unconscious Thompson gags, vomits a little back up.

Dexter places the bottle back into Thompson’s hand and steps back to admire his work.
Satisfied, the funnel goes back in the tool box, the lid closed.

Dexter’s legs suddenly go weak, he doubles up, clutches his side in pain, drops to his knees.

Dexter struggles to catch his breath, waits for the pain to subside.

Finally he stands.

He exits on wobbly legs, holds onto the door frame for support.

Happy writing.

AUSTIN FILM FESTIVAL SCREENPLAY COMPETITION - FINAL DEADLINE

Good Morning writers, yes I do know this is the second blog post this week (you lucky lot). Last night I received an email from the Austin Film Festival asking if I would let my blog followers know their Screenplay Competition final deadline is fast approaching. So yeah (cough) their deadline is fast approaching... enter now while you can, and yes you can enter online. Details below!

Austin Film Festival Screenplay & Teleplay Competition 

Final Deadline: May 20 

All submissions must be received or postmarked by 11:59PM PST on Wednesday, May 20
AFF’s Screenplay & Teleplay Competition is one of the most respected writing contests in the country with a rich history of championing and supporting writers.  For the first time ever, AFF will provide Reader Comments to ALL entrants in the Screenplay & Teleplay Competition for FREE!  In addition, all entrants receive registration discounts, with even bigger discounts when you place in the competition. Unlike other screenplay competitions, your experience with AFF doesn’t end after making the first cut. Second Rounders (the esteemed top 10-12% in each category), Semifinalists, and Finalists attend special panels, programmed specifically for them and not open to regular badge holders.  This year, AFF has an exciting line-up of sponsored award judges including AMC for the One-Hour Pilot category, the Writer’s Guild of America East who will provide three established WGAE screenwriters to judge the Final Round of the Drama category, Enderby Entertainment who will be looking for scripts with an original concept and distinctive voice that can be produced under $5 million, and Frank Darabont’s Darkwoods Productions who will be reviewing this year’s top Sci-Fi scripts.  May 20 is the Late (and Final) Deadline for screenplay submissions so enter yours before it really is too late!

Now accepting short and digital series scripts!
www.austinfilmfestival.com

JUGGLING

Do you work on one project at a time, or several?

I've been asked this question a lot over the last few years and the answer has changed a little in recent months. I think it's important to keep the ball rolling with regards to your career but I also think it's important to focus on a single project when you need to.

Most of the time I have several projects on the go at once, all at different stages so I'm not trying to write four first draft screenplays at the same time. Currently I'm finishing the first draft of a spec feature thriller ELEVEN, developing two outlines - one for a comedy horror feature I BELIEVE IN MONSTERS and the other for a TV mini series THE DEAD LIST - fleshing out characters for another feature thriller THE CHAIR, developing one page pitches for episodes of a proposed TV crime drama, polishing one page pitches of my own TV drama ideas, as well as constantly keeping in touch with my many friends and colleagues in the industry.

Now if I actually worked on all of those projects every day I would make very little progress on each one. Lately I have found that to be the case as I've flitting from one project to another almost on a hourly basis. Focus was needed. With that in mind today I'll mostly be concentrating on the outline for I BELIEVE IN MONSTERS so that my co-writer and I can begin the first draft of the script as soon as possible. I'm also aware I haven't written a pilot TV episode for quite a while and I'm aiming to focus on one once the Monsters outline out of the way.

To do this I intend to allocate three quarters of my day to focusing on Monsters and the other quarter on a couple of other projects, making as much progress as I can on all three. When one project becomes more urgent than the others I'll adjust my main focus to it, even if that means putting all other projects on hold so I can focus on just the one project. This is especially important when a commission comes in.

Basically what I'm trying to say is don't give yourself too much to do otherwise you'll stretch yourself too thinly, you'll lose focus on projects and they'll suffer because of it. They'll be weak, diluted and lacking the finer details that make great projects stand out. It's always difficult to flit from one idea to the next, spending such a short amount of time on each one. It's far better to pick two or three and focus on them for a few days, then focus on another two or three for the following few days. That way you'll make serious progress on all your projects without their intensity suffering as a result.

For those of you thinking the amount of work above is far too much, think again. It's no good spending six months on one project only for it to go nowhere. All professional writers juggle several projects at any one time. If you want to get ahead in the writing business then you have to be continually coming up with new ideas.

Happy writing.

THE BLACK LIST

Have you tried hosting your screenplay on the THE BLACK LIST yet? Well if you haven't done so you really should... and here's why.

It's a fantastic chance to get your screenplay in front of US based producers. So who actually reads the screenplays hosted on this site, I hear you cry? The list ranges from major Hollywood executives to small independent producers, over a thousand film industry professionals. 

Do they actually read British screenplays and contact the writers, I hear you also ask? Yes they do. I've had first hand experience of this and know it to be true. That's why I think it's a great opportunity for British writers and one not to be missed.

How does it work? Once uploaded your screenplay is read by a professional reader and 'if' recommended it is passed on to film industry professionals who have signed up to The Black List. So it's worth remembering it's advisable to only upload screenplays you are completely happy and confident with. If your screenplay isn't ready then you shouldn't upload it.

Does it cost the earth? Yes it does cost to host your screenplay, but what's that little amount compared to what you might get for selling your work? I feel it's certainly worth the outlay. There are also the submission call opportunities and the educational resources the website offers to consider. And all for a few quid every month. It is really a no brainer as far as I'm concerned.

Still not convinced? Here's what The Black List have to say in their own words. 

ABOUT THE BLACK LIST

The Black List is where filmmakers find great material to make films and great material finds filmmakers to make them.

It began as a survey. In 2005, Franklin Leonard surveyed almost 100 film industry development executives about their favorite scripts from that year that had not been made as feature films. That first list - many of which have been made since - can be viewed here. Since then the voter pool has grown to about 500 film executives, 60% of whom typically respond.

Over 225 Black List screenplays have been made as feature films. Those films have earned over $19BN in worldwide box office, have been nominated for 171 Academy Awards, and have won 35, including Best Pictures SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE, THE KING'S SPEECH, and ARGO, and seven of the last twelve screenwriting Oscars. A complete list of Black List films is here.

In September 2012, we launched a membership site for industry professionals that functions as a real time Black List and screenplay recommendation engine. You can learn more here and sign up for membership here.

In October 2012, we extended our mission further by allowing screenwriters from the world to, for a small fee, upload their scripts to our database, have them evaluated by professional script readers, and subject to that evaluation and our recommendation algorithm, sent to our - at present - over 1000 film industry professionals. You can begin the process of being discovered here.

In November 2013, we began accepting original episodic material, providing access for aspiring television and webseries writers around the world.

The Black List is also home to Scott Myers' blog Go Into The Story, the official Black List screenwriting blog.

2013 Black List Annual Report

Why not give it a go and see how you get on.

Happy writing.